Having borderline personality disorder can very often feel like a curse. Living with your emotions on the very surface of our skin can be deeply painful. This is the “feeling too fucking much” condition.
We are able to reach emotional extremes over things that often seem like very simple or small reasons. For me, it’s like being drunk or on drugs during the day. Chemically, for many of us, our brains have exactly the same reactions as if we were. It is the outburst. The truth is that living like this is can be really challenging and complex. I have longed to be different; wishing I could be someone else, craving to feel less. But it is also true that there is something few talk about and it’s time to scream out loud, the capability to FEEL SO MUCH is in reality a SUPERPOWER.
I’m going to get really cheesy here, but bear with me please!
Think of the X-Men; at first always misunderstood and judged. Feeling like outcasts, exiles, they keep their qualities a secret because they feel ashamed by them. It is not until they meet Professor Xavier that they are convinced these characteristics are wonderful, that these characteristics make them unique and that they can be used for a greater cause. They have the ability to become heroes.
Cheesy, huh? Told you! But I’m not done.
Because things cannot be that easy, “with great power comes great responsibility” (First X-Men, now Spider-Man, but it’s true!). So all superpower bearers need to fully embrace themselves first, and then they have to work very hard on mastering their powers and refocusing all that energy. Not an easy path.
That is how I feel about us. The tricky part is to discover what our superpower is.
I know for sure, for example, that people with BPD can love like nobody else. Yeah, we can mess it up sometimes, but we love with all our strength.
I believe our resilience is impressive. Remember how many awful and hurtful episodes you have recovered from. How many times you have literally survived.
We are empaths for sure (click on the word if you don’t know it, I’m sure you’ll like the meaning). Having the ability to easily and profoundly read and connect to other people’s emotions is unique.
We experience very intense emotions. ALL EMOTIONS. Not only the unpleasant ones. This means that whenever we experience joy or happiness that can be a supernatural rush of adrenaline too! When I am having hyper moods, something as simple as having a mint and chocolate ice cream BLOWS MY MIND! Just like when some people are under the effect of drugs, but without the comedown. Sometimes it just takes seeing a random and sudden act of love while I’m walking in the street to feel happy tears welling up. Not everybody is as connected to the good side of things as we are.
So yeah, many of us with borderline personality superpower (we should start using this new name instead, right? The word “disorder” gives me the creeps) do most things INTENSELY But if we focus that huge nuclear energy on new things, I’m sure amazing things can happen.
It is no coincidence that artists are deeply in touch with emotions. Creativity can be born from pain.
It won’t always be perfect. Nothing is, for anybody. So meltdowns will still happen sometimes and that is okay. It is!
I try to remember this despite my will and strength is not always at its best: the same strength I can use to feel rage, to hurt myself emotionally and physically, to lock myself at home for days, to scream, to convince myself I’m not worth it and to allow several types of self-destructive behaviours is a nuclear reaction that can be redirected in other ways rather than swallowing it and letting it explode in my stomach.
So the whole deal about this blog is to look for more of us, to remind you that there are many of us, to encourage you to embrace and learn from your superpowers, to explore our qualities together and see if we can team up to plan something bigger, to make the best of having a borderline personality superpower.
Feeling everything too much, so intensely is NOT A FLAW, it is an asset. It is a SUPERPOWER.
So, what is yours?